Blog Post. 'Nuff Said.

YAY, GUYS, IT'S A BLOG POST!!!
I'm so sorry that I haven't posted for a few days!!  I would like to say that I was busy, but I really wasn't.  I was writing and mostly reading.  I had writer's block, you see, about the post I was working on, and I always read Jane Austen to get rid of writer's block.  It worked, obviously, since I'm finally posting.  Thank you, Persuasion.

I wrote this from the writing prompt "Your antagonist is making tea for his mother.  What is he thinking?".  It reeks of heartache and sadness for me, because of what Richard lost by choosing such a wicked path.  He lost a loving family.
Actually I shouldn't say "lost".  To phrase it more accurately, he gave up a loving family who would gladly take him back in a heartbeat, if they knew he was alive.  Here come the fangirl tears.  Am I allowed to fangirl over my own novel?  is that kind of conceited?  Maybe these are just Writer Feels.  Yes, Precious, that must be what they are.

Richard plopped the tea bag into his mother's tea cup and rummaged around in the cupboard for sugar cubes.  "It's more of a peace offering, really," he remarked, turning to Alexis.  She cocked her head.  "For what?  You and Mom never argue."  He hesitated.  "Not yet, anyway."  Something in his voice made Alexis' intense dark eyes narrow.  "What are you talking about?"  He looked down at the tea cup, trying to decide whether or not he should tell her.  She wouldn't agree at all, he was sure.  She would try to dissuade him.  But perhaps, if he could explain himself to her, she would see his reasoning, and understand why he needed to do this.  Alex always understood him.
"Richard?" Alex moved closer.  he turned back to her and inhaled deeply.  "I'm joining the army."  To his surprise, Alex nodded, tight-lipped.  "I've been waiting for you to finally tell me," she said quietly.  He nearly gaped.  "You knew?"  She nodded.  "Colin accidentally dropped enough hints for me to put two and two together."  Richard frowned.  "He did, did he?  We agreed on silence...does Mom know?"  Alex shook her head.  "I don't think so."  He breathed a sigh of relief.  "Will you try to convince me to stay?  It won't do any -" Alex shook her head again.  "I know any arguments I'll make will be useless.  I trust you to take care of yourself."  He could have hugged her.  "Thank you," he said earnestly.  She sighed.  "But why?" "I'll tell both you and Mom at the same time," he promised.  "Will you help me convince her?"  She hesitated, then nodded reluctantly.  "I'll do what I can, but that doesn't mean I'm entirely at peace with it," she said, wagging a finger at him.  He grinned.  "Thank you, little sis."  She smiled back, but it seemed half-hearted to him.
Richard and Alexis brought the tea into the living room and gave it to their mother, who was conversing with Colin.  "Oh, thank you, son," she said, taking the cup from him and breathing in its scent.  Richard smiled briefly, then took his seat in a chair near her.  He looked at Alex for help on how to begin.  Your responsibility, she mouthed with a barely perceptible wink.  Their mother caught the exchange but didn't understand, and after watching them uncertainly for a minute, remarked, "Richard, Colin tells me you have an announcement!"  Richard glared at Colin, who shrugged sheepishly.  He playfully punched Colin's shoulder, but soon became serious.  He wasn't quite sure how to begin, so he stated it quickly, hoping to get it over with.  "I'm going into the military."  His mother's jaw dropped.  "Are you serious?" He nodded.  "I've been thinking about this for a long time."  She looked down for a moment.  "Does Alexis know?" she asked quietly.  Alex nodded.  "He told me in the kitchen."  Their mother rubbed her temples as if she'd spontaneously developed a headache.  Richard ran his fingers through his hair.  "Mom.  Please -" "Shhh," she whispered, and Richard looked anxiously at Alex.  She shrugged helplessly.
His mother seemed to struggle to calm herself.  "You remember your father, don't you?"  Richard raised his chin and answered, "Yes, ma'am, I remember what happened to him."  "Then why, Richard?" she looked up, her eyes pained.  "Why do you want to do this to me?"  He looked away.  "I'm not doing it to hurt you."  Convicted, she wiped her eyes and straightened.  "No, I'm sure you aren't...I'm sorry."  Her voice was sincere.  "You are an adult who can make his own decisions.  But can't you tell me why you want to do this?"  Richard heaved a sigh and glanced around the room.  Alex and Colin were sitting next to each other, anxious and disturbed.  He hated to fluster Alexis like this.  He cast her a reassuring look and she smiled faintly.  "I..." How could he tell them the truth?  They would all disagree, try to convince him to leave off his mission.  But he needed to do something, and if his family wasn't going to let him do it if they knew, he wasn't going to tell them.
"I just feel like I need to...follow my father."  He cringed inwardly; that was the biggest lie he'd ever told his own mother.  She was nodding, understanding, and his heart dropped to his stomach when she said, "Well, I'm proud of you then.  Your father was a good man."  And I am not," he thought miserably.  She took his hands in hers and a tear trickled out of her eye.  "I'm going to miss you.  You'll write to us, right?"  I am the worst son in the world, he thought as he nodded.  Alexis got up and stood before him, hands clasped together.  Suddenly she hugged him, gently at first, and then tightened her hold.  "I'm going to miss you, also," she murmured.  He hesitated, shocked, then hugged her back, his heart sinking lower and lower.  I am also the worst brother in the world.

As you might imagine, Richard merely wanted to punish those who killed his father in war.  An ambitious young 29-year old man was just what the...erm, Bad Guys... wanted, and they found him and told him that his father had been part of them before he was killed by the...erm, good guys.  Richard believed them.  Even though his father had actually been part of the good guys and had been killed by the leader of the bad guys, whose name happens to be Ford, as I'm sure you'll remember from my last post.  
Richard really didn't stop loving his family or caring about them.  He did write to them before he joined the BGs.  It's just that once he started on his vengeful path with such terrible influences around him in the BG community, he found that thinking of his family caused him to feel guilty.  As he grew older, he found his thirst for revenge to be childish, and put it away for the pure joy of being MEAN.  MEAN RICHARD.  And thinking about his dear sister Alexis and beloved mother just made him FEEL.  And he couldn't tolerate FEELING.  It distracted him from his work.  Therefore, he allowed them to believe he was dead.

In the second book that I might write, there may be more of Alexis.  Because I really like her.  Who else likes Alex?  Anyway, she may or may not go on a mission to find her brother after she discovers he may yet be alive.
Or I'll go back in time and revisit her family's life.
Or I'll continue the Hitchhiker story as it left off.
Or....um, out of ideas.  I call for a vote.  Even though it might not actually influence my final decision, it's fun.  Which idea do you guys like best?

Älä ole tuollainen Richard,

-Ashley

(Because I'm nice: http://translate.google.com/#auto/fi/)

P.S. Don't any of you actually care about Cameron and Natalie, or are you ALL rooting for these random secondary characters that will hardly even appear in the book/s/?!?!?